


A House Isn't a Home Without You | Dad!Shawn

by particulataste



Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Complicated Relationships, Ex Lovers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Parenthood, Shawn Is a Dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 15:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18524692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/particulataste/pseuds/particulataste
Summary: One bad night is what tore you apart, but will another bad night put you back together?





	A House Isn't a Home Without You | Dad!Shawn

Shawn pulls up in his driveway—his  _old_  driveway. Gracie blabbers to herself in the backseat, chubby hands clapping together as she gurgles a little laugh. Shawn watches her through the rear view mirror with a smile before turning to Raul, who sits in the passenger’s seat.

Gracie is the spitting image of you—no questions asked. The only thing she gets from Shawn was his curls. Raul? Shawn’s double. He has your eyes, sure, but he is his father’s son.

“Alright, let’s go see Mum!” Shawn exclaims in the most excited tone he can, but it pains him  _so fucking much_ to know he’ll have to face you again. He thought it’d get easier over time, but it never does.

“Mumma,” Gracie squeaks from the backseat and Shawn smiles at her sweetly. “Yeah, baby. Go see Mumma.” Gracie kicks her little legs and claps her hands. Though she is a complete Daddy’s girl, she’s a sucker for her Mum.

“Are you still coming to my game on Wednesday?” Raul asks his Dad, the seven-year-old eager to show Shawn how much he’s been practising for the baseball game this week.

Shawn nods and ruffles the boy’s hair. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, bud. Now, get your stuff while I get Gracie out of the car.” He kills the engine and unlocks the door, getting Gracie out of her seat and holding her on his hip.

Gracie giggles and peppers sloppy kisses to Shawn’s cheek, little fingers playing with his dark curls and he helps his son get their overnight bags out of the trunk.

Raul races for the front door and bolts through it, making his presence known. Shawn shortly follows, taking deep breaths. It’s been seven months and it’s still so fucking hard. It shouldn’t be this hard.

“Hi, baby!” You call out, racing for your little boy and scooping him up in your arms. Raul wraps his arms around your neck before you lower him back to the ground and ruffle his brown locks.

“Hope you’ve been good for Dad.” You say, hesitantly looking to Shawn who still looks just as nervous as you.

Gracie kicks up a fuss at the lack of attention she’s receiving from you, and you take her from Shawn’s arms, cuddling her into you and she coos.

Shawn swallows back his nerves or whatever the fuck it is that’s threatening to spew out of him. “She was walking around with her little walker and tripped. She bruised her knee a little but she’s okay,” Shawn tells you.

You hum and kiss the ten-month-olds head, setting her down on the floor and she rushes off, crawling for her toys that she didn’t take with her to Shawn’s.

“Raul’s got that game on Wednesday at the school,” you remind him, but Shawn waves his hand with a little smile.

“Yeah, I’ll be there, don’t worry.” He assures you and you nod your head, swaying back and forth on your heels.

You’re wearing a burgundy sweater and black jeans but  _God_ , do you look good. Shawn struggles to not compliment you, to not kiss you or hug you. And it’s  _so_  fucking hard.

So, instead, he asks something that will hurt him even more. “So how was your date?”

You freeze, spluttering that you don’t know what he’s talking about but Shawn laughs. “Raul told me. Said he heard you on the phone.” He explains.

You nod and take a deep breath. “Uh, it was okay.” You shrug, leading him to the kitchen where you grab two bottles of water from the fridge.

Shawn sits at the island opposite you and you lean against the counter. “Just okay?” He raises his brow. You sigh and shake your head, staring at your feet.

“Shawn, we don’t have to do this.” You sigh, trying to divert the conversation to something else, but Shawn isn’t having it.

“Yes, we do. We were friends before we got together. Friends before we had kids. Friends before we got engaged. We were always friends  _first_. I’m not losing that, too.”

You stay quiet, tears pooling in your eyes and you shake your head. “This is hard for me, too.” You whisper, to which Shawn scoffs and shakes his head.

“Is it? ‘Cause you seem to be handling it just fine! Going out on these dates and moving on, while I’m stuck tryna figure out where the fuck we went wrong.”

“Shawn, stop.”

“No, Y/N.”

“Shawn!” You yell, eyeing the two young children behind him and he turns, heart sinking when he sees the horror on his babies faces.

“Raul, why don’t you take your sister in the garden while I talk to Dad,” you sigh, nodding to the backdoor, and slowly, he guides his sister outside and they sit on the grass, playing peekaboo.

It’s silent between you both and your heart is breaking. “I’m sorry.” Shawn rasps, keeping his distance and you turn to look at him.

“You  _know_  where it all went wrong, Shawn. And I’m trying so hard to get over what happened, to get over you.” You cry out, tears staining your cheeks and all Shawn can do is stare at your stomach. The same stomach that carried Raul. And the stomach that carried Gracie and Skyla.

“I miss her, too, you know.” He argues, defensive walls back up again and you turn to him with a shaking chest.

“I never said you didn’t.” You cry, wiping the tears from under your eyes and Shawn just wants to hold you, just wants to take it all back and be with you.

“I uh, I better get going,” he whispers, offering you a soft smile and you nod, keeping your eyes locked on the floor you’re standing on.

Shawn shoves his hands in his pockets, wandering out to the garden and calling for one more hug from his babies.

You watch as they both pounce on him, attacking him with kisses and cuddles and his sweet laughter can be heard from where you’re standing.

He walks away and blows a kiss goodbye to his little girl, Raul too busy playing with the football, but Gracie looks like she’s about to burst into tears. She always hated saying goodbye to her Dad, even though she’d still see him the next day.

* * *

It’s 7 pm and Shawn’s sitting on the couch in his new condo, plucking out dry inspiration from the guitar you got him for an anniversary gift.

He’s been shit out of luck in the writing business recently, and his team are constantly asking him when he’ll be ready to start something new.

He tries, of course, he does. He doesn’t want to be in this state of limbo for too long, scared he’ll lose himself in it and the thought of that is fucking terrifying.

Brian sits next to him, laid back on the couch and scrolling through his phone with a beer in his hand, randomly showing Shawn stupid memes on Instagram.

Shawn’s about to start a live stream when your face pops up on his screen and you’re calling him. He knows he should’ve changed your contact photo by now, that it shouldn’t be your massive grin as you hold up your hand and point to your ring.

Your contact picture shouldn’t be the memory he has of you when you said you’d marry him. He clears his throat and accepts the call, bringing the phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Shawn, I’m so sorry but you need to come and get the kids.” Shawn stands from the couch in worry, brows furrowed as he searches for his car keys.

“Okay, is everything okay? What’s going on?” Brian stares at him in worry, eyes wide.

“You just really need to come and get them, please.”

And the line went dead. Shawn panics, completely frantic as he races out of his apartment. He shoots past the elevator, knowing he’ll be quicker if he jumps down the stairs.

He tries to stay calm when he drives, Brian trying to ask what’s going on but all Shawn can do is tell him what he knows. That he needs to get the kids  _right now._

He gets to your house in record time, jumping out of the car and Gracie and Raul are on the front porch, the door half open and Shawn rushes toward them.

“What’s going on?” He asks his son, could see the horror on his face and then he hears you shout at someone and a shattering of glass.

“I woke up to Mummy yelling at someone to get out and I don’t know what’s happening.” Raul hiccups.

Brian wanders over to the kids, scooping Gracie up which she doesn’t mind one bit, always did like Brian. He takes them to the car, Shawn telling him to watch them and to call the police.

He pushes through the half-open door and follows the sound of your voice. You’re yelling, red in the face, and the blond man stands opposite you, angry and not giving a shit that he’s ruining your night and home.

“Hey, what the fuck do you think you’re doing.” Shawn squares up to him, shoving him into the wall and the blond grunts, struggling to shove Shawn back.

Shawn’s bigger than he is, leaner and stronger. “Oh, so  _he’s_  the dude that’s stopping me from getting into your pants.”

With that, Shawn throws a fist into his face, his head bouncing back onto the wall and Shawn pulls away from him, scurrying over to you and taking your hands in his.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” Shawn panics, noticing the bruises that are already beginning to form all up your arms.

There’s glass all over the floor, a kitchen stool thrown across the room and Gracie’s toys have been poured out from the boxes and launched across the room.

You panic, tugging on his shirt when you notice James and his sickening grin. Shawn turns around, arms out to block you from his sight and all you want is to hold your babies and tell them that it’s okay.

“Get out James. Just fuck off. I told you, I’m not fucking interested!” You cry out from behind Shawn, now standing beside him but behind his arm.

James laughs and takes a step forward, Shawn trying to push you behind him but you won’t have any of it.

“You scared my kids. My fucking kids! Now get the fuck out of my house before I fucking kill you.” You threaten him, maternal instincts clouding everything else.

James looks past you and to Shawn, skin paling at the hard look he holds. He knows Shawn’s about to break his nose if he doesn’t leave, so he scoffs at them both and walks toward the front door.

“No wonder he fucking left you. You’re a worthless piece of shit.” He spits, but Shawn is quick to wipe the smirk off his face by delivering another blow to his nose.

“Say something about her one more time and see what fucking happens.” Shawn spits back, sick to his stomach that someone can say something like that to someone so fucking wonderful.

Just as James is about to run off, a police car skids it’s way outside your house and stops. Three police officers come bursting out and Shawn shouts that James is the guy they called about.

He runs back to you when they put him in cuffs and you crash into Shawn’s chest, a sobbing mess and your heart is pounding.

“You’re okay, honey. You’re okay.” Shawn whispers, cooing you the best he can but you pull away in panic.

“The kids! Where are the-“

“In the car with Brian. They’re okay, I promise.” He reassures you, stroking the hair from your face and kissing your forehead.

You talk with the police, explaining that James showed up at your door and asked if he could talk. Explained how he made a move and tried to pin you to the wall, got angry and smashed up your daughter’s toys.

Shawn continues to explain the rest, how he got your phone call to get the kids and what he saw when he came through the door.

After twenty minutes, they take James away in the squad car and you’re free to go. “You’re not staying here. Pack a bag, you and the kids can stay at the condo with me tonight.” Shawn tells you and for once, you don’t argue.

Shawn follows you upstairs, breathing hitching when he sees the bedroom, the bedroom he hasn’t seen for seven months. The bedroom he made love to you in, the bedroom he’d wake up in every morning.

And nothing’s changed. You still keep the picture of you both at your sister’s wedding on your nightstand. You still keep the furniture the same. And when you go into your closet to pull out some clothes, Shawn still sees one of his shirts tucked into the back, a shirt he  _knows_  you loved to wear to bed.

You throw a pair of clothes and underwear into the bag, along with your phone charger and some makeup. Shawn watches you from the doorframe he leans on, scared to walk into the room after the fight you both had the last time he was in there.

But then you freeze and break into sobs and Shawn doesn’t care anymore. He pushes himself forward and holds you close to his chest as you apologise profusely, to which he tells you to stop because  _none of this_  is your fault.

He grabs your bag and leads you downstairs, helping you to lock the doors and leading you out onto the drive. You can see that the kids are asleep in the backseat, Brian sitting between them with their little heads resting on his shoulders. 

You open the door to the passenger’s side and climb in, turning around to look at your babies and old friend. 

“Hi, Bri,” you whisper, a small smile on your lips and he smiles softly back at you, understanding that you’ve been through hell tonight.

“Thank you,” you whisper, and he shakes his head, tells you there’s nothing to thank him for and that he’ll do anything for his niece and nephew.

When Shawn gets in the car, he drives off right away, not wanting to look at that house for another second. 

Brian watches as Shawn changes the gear stick and you take your chance and rest your hand on his. 

It’s like the stars are aligning when your fingers intertwine and you give him a little squeeze. Brian bites back his little smile and takes a deep breath, know’s he doesn’t have to worry for Shawn anymore, that everything is going to work itself out. 

Shawn drops Brian off first, bids him a good night, thanks him, and tells him he’ll text him in the morning. After that, it’s just your family in the car…  _family._

By the time Shawn pulls up at the condo, it’s almost 10pm and you just want to sleep, but you know that won’t be coming anytime soon. You follow Shawn up the stairs and to his apartment, Gracie sleeping in your arms and Raul in Shawn’s.

His condo is nice, homely, actually. Gracies toys are sprawled out everywhere and she even has her own highchair. You follow him down to their bedrooms, in complete awe of how Shawn has them decorated. He made a home for himself and the kids in just seven months. A home you’re not apart of. 

You kiss the children goodnight and follow Shawn into his kitchen. No words are spoken as you take a seat at the kitchen island and he puts the kettle on, pottering around and making you a peanut butter sandwich. Funny how he still remembers your comfort food. 

“I’m so sorry,” you croak out, disgusted with yourself that you let something like this happen. Shawn shakes his head and grabs you hands kissing your cold knuckles.

“You have nothing to apologise for. Just tell me what happened, honey.”

And you do. You tell him that you’re not ready to move on because you’re still so fucking in love with him. You tell him that you cry yourself to sleep every night and that nothing smells like him anymore and it  _hurts_.

It hurts to have lost your child, and it hurts to have lost him. All Shawn can do is listen and cry with you, just hold you and make you feel safe. 

“It was meant to be us five, but we lost her and then I lost you.” You cry out, heart shattering at the thought of your daughter—the daughter you never got to meet. The sister Raul never got to protect. The twin Gracie never got to grow with. The daughter you and Shawn never got to fucking hear the cries of.

“I miss her so fucking much.” Shawn sobs, clutching onto you like you’re his lifeline, and you are, you and the kids. You hold him like he holds you and for once, you feel okay. Not a lot, but a little.

“And you have the house and the kids all the time, but I feel so alone,” Shawn admits and he knows he shouldn’t hold it against you, and he doesn’t, but you have Gravie and Raul every day and he just feels so lonely.

“A house isn’t a home without you, Shawn.” You whimper, forehead resting against his and he tucks a strand of hair out of your face. “I miss you, Y/N. I miss everything.” Shawn sniffles, holding you close.

“Come home. Please, come home.”

He stares at you for a moment, praying to God that this isn’t a dream, and when you press your lips against his, he knows it’s not. It’s been seven months since he tasted those lips, but  _God_  does he remember how sweet they are.

He kisses you back, hands holding the sides of your face and you swear you never want to forget how good it feels to be in his arms again, to be where you belong.

“I love you,” you mumble against his lips, gently tugging on his curls and Shawn can’t help but laugh the most joyous laugh ever. “I love you, too, baby. So fucking much.” He whimpers.

You rest your forehead on his and take a shaky breath. “Then come home. Come home to us.” You plead, and you know it’s the right thing to do, you know it’s written in the stars, you and him.

When you lost Skyla, your whole lives changed, and Shawn couldn’t take it. You grew distant with each other until you were just strangers with children, and he left. It didn’t matter that you loved each other beyond words, you were both foolish and hurt. 

And now, here you are, realising your mistake and begging for the love of your life to come back home to you, to be a family with you and Gracie and Raul. And no one needs to ask Shawn twice. So, he nods his head and smiles wide. 

“Okay.”


End file.
